Kinda My Life….

Well I would have to say living in a small town in Arkansas, its very judgmental. In the 5th grade I started realizing changes in my life that were big for me. I never really was attracted to men but I noticed I always looked at girls. In 6th grade I tried talking to my best friend who had been my friend since before school started at all. We were at our lockers that day right next to each other and I remember saying “Kendra I’m…. gay… I know I am.” And, she flipped out!

She told me she wanted nothing to do with me because I wasn’t meant to be. Everyone that used to be my friend by that time had something against me… except another good friend I went up to her and told her. She looked me in the eyes and said “Maranda there’s nothing wrong with that, I’m bisexual.” I was so excited I wasn’t the only kid there. As time went by I ended up in an alternative school for trying to pull the bad kid style lol. But, I found out it was hard with my sexuality.

I had a lot of teachers that yelled at me and picked on me a lot. There was even one that sat next to me and in front of the school, she sat there saying “you know this is wrong Maranda, god does not want this for you.” I couldn’t handle most things, it tore me apart inside. I ended up getting with this girl Keisha. In my eyes, she was the most beautiful amazing girl I ever met!

When we would try and hang out, they sent me to detention a few times and her to other homes… what hurt the most besides the pain of not seeing her was that every other relationship that was boy/girl, it was not done like that. We were separated in school if I looked at her. They sent me off if I sat by her. It was a sin… I finally started standing up for myself. I got pushed over one to many times and went off.

I remember yelling so loud at everyone that had ever hurt my feelings over it. My punishment was that I sat everyday of the school year in a tiny room all by myself… I was the last to leave everyday so I had no contact with anyone. I was on house arrest with no phone to get anyone or anyway of contacting anyone… I turned to suicide first, that didn’t work. I was just sent off again… so, when I got back I turned to drugs and alcohol.

I wouldn’t go one day without taking so many pills that I slept all day or I stayed up for days at a time. Time just flew right by… I ended up being with Keisha for a year. Us fighting for rights in our school… she’s now gone and I remain in that school, but I have changed a lot of people and teachers. They started seeing past what I was and getting to know who I was. I can now yell, I’m lesbian and proud and no one will say a thing!!!!!!!!!!

Peace and Love,
Maranda