High School

In high school I was ridiculed for multiple reasons. I was in band, choir, student government, drama, and many other clubs and organizations and on top of that I am overweight. In my small town school it wasn’t cool to be different. I was called many harsh and brutal names by my peers and some days I didn’t even want to get out of bed to go to school but some how I reached deep down inside and mustered the strength to get out of bed, get ready and put on a brave face.

At school I brushed my peers off as they called me lard ass, band geek, and many more names I can’t even remember now. I never let them see how it affected me, but every night without fail I would wind up crying for hours if not crying myself to sleep. Then sometime around my sophomore year of high school I started cutting. Never where any one could see because I didn’t want more unwanted attention drawn to myself just so I could exhibit some form of control over what pain I could and couldn’t feel.

Now that isn’t the right road to travel down because it just lead me to more self destructive behavior. I continued cutting and eventually after internalizing my feelings of self loathing for so long I began to lash out, like looking for any reason to get into fights and when someone wouldn’t fight me I would just bust my knuckles up on any hard surface I could find. I still struggle with internalizing my anger towards myself and others. What does help is finding someone, anyone, who will listen, really listen, when you need to vent or talk.

Even after all of the ridicule and self hate, and even contemplating suicide on multiple occasions, my friends convinced me that I have everything to live for. If I hadn’t gone through the stuff I did I wouldn’t be here to tell you that my life has gotten so much better since I got out of high school! Remember it can be the 4 most hellish years of your life, but there is so much to look forward to after those 4 years.

Don’t give up, just keep on pushing through. It may seem impossible at times but don’t quit! You are special and even though you may not know us there are those of us out here who will welcome you with open arms, a should to cry on, and we are always willing to listen! In other word people out here in the real world really do GIVE A DAMN!!!