Don’t Be Afraid To Be You

Apr 21st, 2010 07:31 PM By Brian

I grew up in a Christian home, went to youth group and at a time was a youth counselor. As I entered my late teens, I started to notice my attraction to other men. At the time I thought it was a sin as I learned all throughout the church.

I was so scared. I started going to adult bookstores and leading a double life. A couple of close friends shared with me that I was going through an addiction cycle and I needed help. I was referred to a psych counselor. That didn’t help as it felt more like I was trying to be converted and that it was wrong for me to be gay.

After a few years, around the age of 25, I came out to my family and friends. 2 very dear friends told me they could not follow me down such a dark narrow path, but that didn’t stop me. I was gay and proud, and in my heart knew I was okay.

Since that point in my life, I struggled between the church and being gay. The truth of the matter really is: that no matter how we choose to live our lives God loves us. Don’t change who you are for other people, if they do not like who you have become that is on them.

Live, laugh often and be happy.

Grace by Faith

Apr 21st, 2010 07:22 PM By Joey

I was raised Lutheran my entire life. I was firmly raised on Luther’s principle as long as you have faith you are saved. That all you need is faith.

I have always wanted to become a pastor for as long as I could remember. I want to help spread the love of God. This does not mean that I want to force everyone to be Christian. I respect all faiths. I just want to strive to love my neighbor as myself.

When I realiezed I was gay I thought my faith life was over. I thought God wouldn’t love me and that no one in the Christian community would accept me.

Well, I have realiezed that God does love me because he created me this way. I also realiezed there are only around 6 verses that even come close to mentioning homosexuality in the bible and all of them can be refuted through interpretation.

Jesus never once mentions homosexuality. Jesus only mentions Love and non-Judgement. Jesus only mentions to help the poor and needy. Jesus only says to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul. And to love your neighbor as yourself. I try and love my neighbors the best I can even when they condemn me to hell.

Its Time to End the Pain

Apr 04th, 2010 01:18 PM By Robert

I grew up in a fairly conservative Christian household. When I came to recognize my gay identity, my first reaction was to bury it as deep as I could. I told myself that it was just a phase, I just needed to find the right girl, I couldn’t be gay. As time passed and my feelings didn’t seem to change, I started to become angry.

Initially, I was angry at myself. I couldn’t understand why I had these feelings and my instinct was to pray about it. I was taught that homosexuality was a sin. I asked God to help me change, but He never did. In time, I became angry with God. I asked why He would make me gay when it was detestable to Him. My anger led me down a path of skepticism and finally atheism.

At that point in my life, I wasn’t out to a soul. I was still trying to bury it deeply, still trying to find the right one who would snap me out of it. To prevent others from stumbling onto my secret, I began distancing myself from everyone. Soon I had no friends to speak of and my relationships with my family was rocky. I became depressed, but I had no one to turn to.

Over time the depression deepened. I started to have suicidal thoughts all the time. I would pass over a bridge and imagine how easy it would be to drive off it and end everything. I would walk under a power line and imagine how painful it would be if the lines would fall on me.

There was a lot going on in my life at the time. The secrecy and denial, however, had forced everyone in my support group away. I could not turn to friends, family or God for help. I felt completely alone and that made me even more vulnerable. Fortunately, about this time I found a new spiritual path. I discovered a congregation that was supportive of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people and very slowly began to rebuild my spiritual base. With this support, I was able to connect to a psychotherapist who helped me through the depression, but I still couldn’t talk about my sexuality. It was still too deeply hidden, I still was convinced that it needed to change.

As my spiritual foundation grew, I came to realize that God hadn’t changed me, because there was nothing wrong with me to begin with. I finally began to accept myself as a gay man and in time came out to my friends and family. Religion is a double-edged sword in my life. It has, probably literally, saved my life. At the same time, it is a weapon used by my family members against me.

It is time for our religious communities to wake up and realize that God loves all people, not in spite of who we are, but rather because of who we are. It is time for the religious community to realize the tremendous harm they are causing people by their condemnations. It is time for supportive faiths and congregations to became way more vocal so that if nothing else, LGBT people know they have a place to call home and build a spiritual foundation. I give a damn, because people’s lives literally depend on this.

A Positive Result

Apr 04th, 2010 01:03 PM By Paul

Recently my Episcopal church went through a self-assessment and goal planning. One of the issues was lack of diversity in the membership. While there was much talk about ethnic diversity, it wasn’t until another woman and myself raised the issue of sexual orientation and gender identification that the subjects were discussed. Until two years ago, the church had been on the opposing side of inclusiveness. When the Bishop asked that the attitude be changed, the opposers left, and now the church is (wants to be) as inclusive as possible. That desire is now a listed goal in the 5-year plan.

The problem was that the church, before the schizm, had a bad reputation in our town’s rather large Rainbow community. Worse, after the progressive change, they did nothing to inform the Rainbow community (or the larger community, either). When the woman and I brought this to their attention, they were honestly shocked and ashamed. Since then, I can’t count the number of times I’ve been asked what can be done to change the perception, get the word out, be more welcoming.

Some things were done quickly: the weekly newspaper notice was changed to contain the word “inclusive” in it. The webmaster of the local gay website has been contacted about placing an ad. There is talk of starting an Integrity group. There is still much to do, but, importantly, not only Vestry members but many members of the congregation are willing to pitch in and help. One 90-year-old WWII vet told me that God’s love is for everybody, and sexual orientation should be a non-issue.

They weren’t aware of the situation. When we (the woman and myself) made them aware, they immediatly (and I do mean *immediately*) took up the issue of how to correct it. Sometimes people just don’t know what’s going on around them. We were lucky: our church cares and is doing something about it. Others may not have it so easy. Awareness was our key; I hope it can be for others, too.

When You Can’t Trust Your Mentors, Who Do You Trust?

Apr 04th, 2010 01:01 PM By Brittainy

I have a very dear friend who lives on the other side of the country. He is transgender and trying to figure life out. Lately he has been so stressed and scared due to the many changes going on in his life right now that he has been having anxiety chest pains at night.

He went to his pastor to ask for some advice on life in general, and instead of helping him out, the pastor told him that his chest pains were caused by God who was trying to call him back to His side.

Many LGBT teens don’t have anywhere to go or anyone to talk to. If even their religious leaders are telling them that they are ‘wrong’ and ‘unnatural’–to the point of giving out bad advice (what if my friend’s condition gets worse and his anxiety begins to affect his health?) then who are they supposed to turn to?

There has to be equality in this world. There has to be love. There has to be trust. I give a damn, and so should the religious community.

Dear Jesus

Apr 04th, 2010 12:57 PM By jes

My faith was always important to me when I was younger. As I got older I started having issues within myself, the issue of being a lesbian. I say it was an issue becuase I had a very difficult time trying to find a balance between my faith and my orientation. It’s a scary thing because in most religions, if not all, being a ‘mo is a hell worthy lifestyle and that’s one place I never want to visit after I die.

By the time I was sixteen I knew my preference was women but I still had this issue clawing at me about religion. One day I had finally came to an understanding with myself. The religion will not get you anywhere, but the faith will guide you no matter what. Jesus does love all people and who I am hurts no one. All the people that protest have issues already and chances are they have done worse things in their lives (wife beating, drinking until blacking out) then I ever have.

The great thing is I am sitting down to write this on Easter Sunday 2010. I also came out to my mom on a Sunday afternoon when we got home from Church. I am still here, God didn’t send a bolt of lighting to attack me, so that must be a good sign. I am a Lesbian, and I do believe in God.

Acceptance

Apr 04th, 2010 12:54 PM By Sarah

When I was a teenager I was grappling with the fact of being gay in a very conservative Catholic School. I hid it very effectively from friends and family members for years. As a Catholic, youth sexuality – let alone homosexuality – was looked down upon. I tried being a good little Catholic girl and dated boys for quite a while. The first person I came out to was the parish priest. I can still remember it to this day how unkindly he treated me. I was asked not to return to the parish as I would corrupt the youth.

I went through various faiths at that time; Methodism, Lutheranism, Episcopalianism, Paganism and last Unitarian Universalism. When I came to the UU church I am at now, I was still on a journey for my faith – though the faith journey for me is one that is now constant. Not quite firm in what I did and did not believe in, I found a place where I could explore. They encouraged me to explore not just my spirituality, but also how I could become a vital part of the church. I found more then just acceptance. They didn’t even bat a lash and actually told me how I could welcome more people from the LGBT community to the congregation if they so chose to join.

This has been a wonderful journey to say the least – from rejection to my own celebration of my sexuality. I am looking forward to movements forward in the future and even more exploration of myself in my faith. This is why I give a damn. So others do not have to go through this same rejection from their faiths.

Catholic? and Gay…

Apr 04th, 2010 12:48 PM By Matthew

I have belonged to the same Catholic church for forty years, since I was about 2 years old when my family moved to the town I grew up in. My parents sang in the choir and I couldn’t wait to be able to join them. I can remember sitting downstairs with my Nana, just knowing that music was going to be very important in my life. I would go over to Nana’s house after church and sit down at her piano, picking out by ear the songs we had just sung at mass.

When I was in second grade I was finally able to sit upstairs and sing with the choir. Since then, that’s where I could be found just about every weekend. I started to play the guitar in addition to the little bit of piano I picked up by ear, and in high school I was asked to direct the choir. Now twenty five years later, here I am.

I’m completely conflicted. Recently, as the Massachusetts Legislature and citizens were deciding the fate of same-sex marriage, I was forced to listen to repeated requests from the pulpit for church members to “defend the family” and “protect the institution of marriage.” Weekly they prayed to “uphold marriage between one man and one woman.” One Sunday, I watched my parents fill in postcards to our state representatives asking them to deny me, their own son, the ability to marry the person I love. They have struggled with my being gay, but would never have sought out the postcard campaign on their own. However, since their priest asked (told) them to do it…they did. I not only had to experience this once, but since I play and sing for four masses every weekend, I had to sit through it repeatedly. Just before our most recent election, one of the priests actually said from the altar that the people of the parish should “sit down, have a cup of tea, pray, and take that teabag with them to the polls” (advocating the “teabag” ideology). I guess you can say it’s worn me down.

I have enjoyed what has become my part time job for the last 25 years, but I’m feeling unable to continue in my role as music director. It makes me sad that loving someone would result in me having to leave my job within the church. Isn’t God love?

People Are People

Apr 04th, 2010 12:24 PM By Melissa

I feel fortunate to have been brought up in a home where there was no “black and white” and no “gay and straight”…we were just people.

I have family members who are lesbian, friends who are gay, and students (I used to work at the local school) who felt comfortable coming to me to discuss their sexual identity issues above everyone else. I’m glad of that and so incredibly happy that I have these people in my life!

My family, friends, and yes, my former students, enrich my life and remind me every day that “people are people.” Now, I am a parent and my children are learning that there is no reason to shun someone for any reason. We’re not in control of the color of skin we’re born with, the sexuality we’re born with, or the color of the eyes we’re born with…we just are, and God doesn’t make mistakes…so no one is better than another.

People are people.

My Daughters

Mar 28th, 2010 10:11 AM By Nancy

I give a DAMN about equality… ONE of my daughters is gay…

I have raised three daughters. I’ve taught them the fundamentals of life and living in this world, then went beyond this to teach tolerance, equality, independence, faith, compassion and love.

What a joy to watch three beautiful young children grow into the adults they now are! What a joy to nurture each as individuals while treating them equally. What a joy to teach them to be anything they wanted to be. What a joy to watch them learn to love and develop healthy relationships. What a joy to witness them embracing each day.

Each day brings new discoveries for all three. Along the way, my youngest daughter discovered her sexuality as a lesbian. Within our family, this discovery was recognized and acknowledged. We did not judge, and our family still lives with the values of respect and equality that we’ve always lived by.

But for me, the need for social equality outside of our family became more important than ever! I was to send my youngest daughter into the world–and she would learn that the teachings and equality in our home would not necessarily follow her.

I have raised three daughters… and as individual as they are, now they are not treated equally.

TWO of my daughters can…

• Walk safely down any street holding hands with their significant others
• Practice careers without fear of discrimination
• Marry legally (if they choose) in a courtroom – OR – in a religious environment of their choosing
• Have an open relationship with a member of our armed forces
• Practice their religious upbringing openly–not questioning their faith because of a lack of tolerance
• Reap the benefits of “joint” tax returns, health insurance, marriage law…

The list goes on and on.

I hope that someday, this will change to: “All THREE of my daughters can…”