“Stories from the Frontlines” – USMC LCpl.

Apr 28th, 2010 11:39 AM By Admin

Our non-profit partner Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN) launched a new campaign this week to urge Congress and the President to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” this year. SLDN will be issuing letters each day from people impacted by this discriminatory law.

The Damn Blog will be posting each day’s letter and we encourage you to share them with the straight people in your life to help educate them about why “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” needs to go. The following is today’s letter:

April 28, 2010

President Barack H. Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Northwest
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

I was humbled to have earned the title of U.S. Marine just two years ago – my goal since I was 14 years old. But just nine weeks ago, I was informed of my discharge under the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law.

Mr. President, if I could be serving my country right now – I would be. Instead, I was fired while you were my Commander and Chief.

The stories we hear of discharged service members are becoming far too common and are based around a primitive law that we should have eliminated years ago. As this injustice continues to hurt our country, we are in desperate need of your support and leadership as we work to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

After I finished my training, I was a 20-year-old reservist. I returned to school to continue working on my undergraduate degree with hopes of becoming an officer. I wish I could tell you about my distinguished service, about stories from the war overseas, or about how being a Marine has changed my perspective on life, but I can’t.

My discharge came from the fear that my sexual orientation was going to be revealed by a third party; a group of unknown Marines who threatened to use my sexuality as a way to retaliate after a dispute in a bar. I had spoken with two fellow Marines from my unit; both of whom I trusted. They calmed me, told me that it wasn’t a big deal, and reassured me that everything was going to be fine.

I returned to drill only to find out that the two Marines – the Marines I confided in — had mentioned it and word had reached my 1st Sergeant and Commanding Officer. They told the two Marines to submit written statements detailing everything I had told them. When I walked in to my 1st Sergeant’s office the first question out of his mouth was, “Are you gay?”

I answered honestly. The investigation was now underway.

The 1st Sergeant proceeded to tell me that there was no way he could protect my privacy in the matter, citing the “grapevine,” and having no control over what people within the unit said or did. I was told by my CO to hang tight and wait to hear from the Battalion Commander.

Ultimately I was discharged, a fate I found out only through my persistent calls and emails. My dreams of being an officer had been shattered and it felt as if the world was tumbling down on me and all I could do was step aside.

Upon earning the title of Marine, I took an oath and vowed to “defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.” This enemy is a domestic one, and with your direction as Commander and Chief, this is a war in which we can be victorious.

“Semper Fidelis” is the Marine Corps motto meaning “Always Faithful.” Not only am I willing and anxious to go overseas, but I am prepared to pay the ultimate sacrifice in order to protect our freedoms.

I have remained faithful to my country; please be faithful to me.

Very Respectfully,

LCpl. Danny Hernandez,
USMC (Separated)

GET INFORMED, GET INVOLVED

• Learn more about “Stories from the Frontlines” at SLDN’s website.
• Learn more about the Military and how you can help in the Damn Issues section.

Ex-Army, Late Bloomer

Apr 28th, 2010 02:16 AM By Michael

I was in the U.S Army. While I never saw a battle field as so many of our soldiers are today, I fought my own at home.

When I joined at 17 years old (1996) I identified as straight. I was still in the process of learning who I was. It wasn’t until about a year into my service that I began to struggle with my sexuality.

I eventually came to terms with who I am. Having been brainwashed into understanding the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy, I thought it best to keep it under wraps. It wasn’t until 1998, when someone outed me to my unit.

From that point on, my unit used the full force of what they could to try to ‘break’ my spirit. Of course, everything was all legal as far as they were concerned. They forced duties on me that were outside of my job description, making it impossible for me to complete my duties.

In 1999, they finaly were able to attempt to kick me out of the Army under ‘derilict of duty’. This is completely unrelated to “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” as a discharge. This would have resulted in a dishonorable discharge.

They finaly broke me to a point where, I decided to just not go to work anymore. I slipped into a huge depression where I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning.

I had to make my own decision between the dishonorable discharge they were trying to give me, or to simply leave for a few months and get a general discharge. So, I chose the latter.

I have been out of the Army since 2000, and living my life free and open ever since.

I give a damn because I know what it’s like to try to find a meaningful relationship in this life but have to hide behind pronouns.

I give a damn because, I don’t want others to have to endore what I did.

I give a damn because my partner and I have been together for 6 years and it’s about damn time for us to have the same protections that married heterosexual couples do (even ones that met in Vegas and got married two hours later).

I give a damn because, I love my country enough to demand that equality no longer just be a hip catch phrase that politicians use to gain my support.

“Stories from the Frontlines” – Retired Navy Captain

Apr 27th, 2010 10:44 AM By Admin

Our non-profit partner Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN) launched a new campaign yesterday to urge Congress and the President to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” this year. SLDN will be issuing letters each day from people impacted by this discriminatory law.

The Damn Blog will be posting each day’s letter and encourages you to share them with the straight people in your life to help educate them about why “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” needs to go:

April 27, 2010

President Barack H. Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Northwest
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

My name is Joan Darrah and I served in silence under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) for almost two decades. I share my personal story with you as we’re at a critical point in the fight to repeal this discriminatory law.

We urgently need your voice and leadership as we lobby the Armed Services Committees and the full House and Senate to end DADT this year.

I’m sure, as I do, you remember exactly where you were on September 11, 2001.

At 8:30 a.m. that day, I went to a meeting in the Pentagon. At 9:30 a.m., I left that meeting. At 9:37 a.m., American Airlines Flight 77 slammed into the Pentagon and destroyed the exact space I had left less than eight minutes earlier, killing seven of my colleagues.

On Sept. 11, 2001, I was a lesbian Navy captain who, at that time, had more than 28 years of dedicated military service. My partner, Lynne Kennedy, an openly gay reference librarian at the Library of Congress, and I had been together for more than 11 years. Each day, I went to work wondering if that would be the day I would be fired because someone had figured out I was gay.

In spite of that stress, somehow Lynne and I had learned to deal with “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”; we had made the requisite sacrifices. I had pretended to be straight and had played the games most gays in the military are all too familiar with.

But after Sept. 11 our perspective changed dramatically. In the days and weeks that followed, I went to at least seven funerals and memorial services for shipmates who had been killed in the Pentagon attack. As the numbness began to wear off, it hit me how incredibly alone Lynne would have been had I been killed.

The military is known for how it pulls together and helps people; we talk of the “military family” which is a way of saying we always look after each other, especially in times of need. But none of that support would have been available for Lynne, because under “don’t ask, don’t tell,” she couldn’t exist.

In fact, had I been killed, Lynne would have been one of the last people to know, because nowhere in my paperwork or emergency contact information had I dared to list Lynne’s name. This realization caused us both to stop and reassess exactly what was most important in our lives. During that process we realized that “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was causing us to make a much bigger sacrifice than either of us had ever admitted.

Nine months later, in June 2002, I retired after 29 years in the U.S. Navy, an organization I will always love and respect.

Today, nine years after that fateful day at the Pentagon, I am now committed to doing everything I possibly can to get rid of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” so our military can finally be open to all qualified and motivated individuals who want to serve their country. This is the right step for our country, for our military, and for all gay men and lesbians.

As a veteran, and as a witness to the 14,000 men and women who have been discharged, I thank you for your bold words in your State of The Union address: “This year, I will work with Congress and our military to finally repeal the law that denies gay Americans the right to serve the country they love because of who they are. It’s the right thing to do.”

I have great love and respect for our country, and I know that we will be a stronger and better country when we repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

With great respect,

Capt. Joan Darrah
United States Navy (Ret.)

GET INFORMED, GET INVOLVED

• Learn more about “Stories from the Frontlines” at SLDN’s website.
• Learn more about the Military and how you can help in the Damn Issues section.

Congratulations! Now Here’s Your Discharge.

Apr 22nd, 2010 03:06 AM By Paul

I served with two lesbian Marines in Iraq on my second tour. They served admirably and without any indication of their sexual orientation.

They helped our unit triage and evacuate my fellow Marines in a small arms attack just south of Fallujah in the Zaidan province. It was only after we had returned to Camp Lejeune that we found out they were lesbians.

It didn’t take long before the chain of command found out and less than a year later they were discharged simply for the fact of their sexual orientation.

I’ve met many Marines on deployments and, now that I’m in school, many former Marines. Very few of them can I say I trust my life with when the shit hits the fan.

Those two Marines performed as well as any infantry Marine and I would have no greater honor than to serve overseas with them again.

Gay Brother Fired, Straight Brother Forced to Keep Fighting

Apr 07th, 2010 01:14 AM By Anthony

I knew I was done hiding behind the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy after returning from a four month deployment flying missions to Iraq as a loadmaster with the 37th Airlift Squadron. It was my second tour — one I’d picked because of the long hours and irregular schedule, a lifestyle that I thought would make it easier to keep my personal life private. But lying about who you are, especially to people you are serving with, is never easy.

In 2008, my commander who I served with in Iraq said to me, it was an honor to serve with you and if you need anything, just let me know. He then sent me home. That was my last day in the U.S. military after 7 years of honorable service. I had violated federal law by telling someone I was gay.

During the time it took for my discharge to get processed, I decided I would share my situation. My friends and co-workers on base responded in one of two ways. The first was, “Tony, we all figured that from day one, we just didn’t care that you were gay.” The second was, “Tony, why didn’t you ever tell me? It pisses me off that you couldn’t trust me with that information.” I had to explain that I had to remain silent because I didn’t want to lose my career; it wasn’t about trusting them.

You can bet I wanted to fight my discharge. But my attorneys from Servicemembers Legal Defense Network advised that it is virtually impossible to win a legal challenge to the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” law. So I was forced to throw in the towel and accepted the fact I had to begin a job search.

I did not want out of the military—I would go back in tomorrow–but I had to move on. It just so happened that my exact skill set, gained through Air Force training, was in high demand with defense contractors. Within three weeks of my discharge, global contractor KBR hired me to go back to Iraq as a radio repair technician. (KBR, by the way, knew prior to hiring me I was gay and received an honorable discharge). Within one month of being in Iraq, a former Chief Master Sergeant (CMSGT/E9), now retired, sent me to Bagram Air Base, Afghanistan to manage its technical operations. While there I worked with three prior service members I had worked with while on active duty, but now I was working as an openly gay contractor. An Army Sergeant who I was also working with said, “I can’t believe they are still discharging military members for being gay. Don’t they know we need everyone we can get in this fight?”

more…

For the Love of My Children

Apr 04th, 2010 12:35 PM By Cheryl

I am a straight mother of three. I have a thirteen year old straight son who plays tuba and guitar,and wants to work in the tech field when he grows up. I have a seventeen year old straight daughter who plays baritone, has a beautiful singing voice, and wants to go to college to become a psychologist. I have a nineteen year old gay son who is broadly musically gifted, attends college, and wants to be a teacher. While my younger son and daughter will very possibly achieve their dreams, my oldest son may not. So, I give a damn.

Where we live, and where my son wants to teach, being openly gay will likely cost him his job. While my two younger children’s teacher’s can share stories of their husbands, wives, children and lives, if my son does so, parents will complain to the school board that my son is teaching their children immorality. But he hasn’t given up on his dream. He’ll be attending his second year of college next year to become a teacher, in hopes that when he begins teaching, his sexuality won’t matter to his students and their parents as much as his qualifications do. So, I give a damn.

My oldest son is in a committed relaionship with a wonderful boy who spent years in R.O.T.C., in hopes of becoming a flight engineer. He felt it would be not only wrong, but incredibly difficult to keep their relaionship a secret due to D.A.D.T., so unfortunately he chose to leave the R.O.T.C. This young man should have NEVER had to make such a choice. His sexual orientation shouldn’t have had to play a part in what he wanted to do with his education, and his life. So, I give a damn.

My children talk of the day they will be parents. I have no doubt that all three will be excellent at parenting. My younger son and daughter will be able to do so with no trouble. While if my oldest son and his committed partner want to adopt, they will likely be denied that right. So, I give a damn.

I want the opportunities my two straight children have, to be available for my gay child. I want to not have to worry that my son might be a victim of a hate crime. When my son chooses to commit his life to someone, I want to know that he’ll have the same rights and protection as a straight couple would. Most of all, I want my children to see and believe what I have taught them their entire lives; that you can grow up to be anything and anyone you want to be.

So, I GIVE A DAMN!

People Are People

Apr 04th, 2010 12:24 PM By Melissa

I feel fortunate to have been brought up in a home where there was no “black and white” and no “gay and straight”…we were just people.

I have family members who are lesbian, friends who are gay, and students (I used to work at the local school) who felt comfortable coming to me to discuss their sexual identity issues above everyone else. I’m glad of that and so incredibly happy that I have these people in my life!

My family, friends, and yes, my former students, enrich my life and remind me every day that “people are people.” Now, I am a parent and my children are learning that there is no reason to shun someone for any reason. We’re not in control of the color of skin we’re born with, the sexuality we’re born with, or the color of the eyes we’re born with…we just are, and God doesn’t make mistakes…so no one is better than another.

People are people.

My Daughters

Mar 28th, 2010 10:11 AM By Nancy

I give a DAMN about equality… ONE of my daughters is gay…

I have raised three daughters. I’ve taught them the fundamentals of life and living in this world, then went beyond this to teach tolerance, equality, independence, faith, compassion and love.

What a joy to watch three beautiful young children grow into the adults they now are! What a joy to nurture each as individuals while treating them equally. What a joy to teach them to be anything they wanted to be. What a joy to watch them learn to love and develop healthy relationships. What a joy to witness them embracing each day.

Each day brings new discoveries for all three. Along the way, my youngest daughter discovered her sexuality as a lesbian. Within our family, this discovery was recognized and acknowledged. We did not judge, and our family still lives with the values of respect and equality that we’ve always lived by.

But for me, the need for social equality outside of our family became more important than ever! I was to send my youngest daughter into the world–and she would learn that the teachings and equality in our home would not necessarily follow her.

I have raised three daughters… and as individual as they are, now they are not treated equally.

TWO of my daughters can…

• Walk safely down any street holding hands with their significant others
• Practice careers without fear of discrimination
• Marry legally (if they choose) in a courtroom – OR – in a religious environment of their choosing
• Have an open relationship with a member of our armed forces
• Practice their religious upbringing openly–not questioning their faith because of a lack of tolerance
• Reap the benefits of “joint” tax returns, health insurance, marriage law…

The list goes on and on.

I hope that someday, this will change to: “All THREE of my daughters can…”

Land of the Free and Home of the Brave

Mar 28th, 2010 09:54 AM By Sarah

I give a damn about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equality.

I give a damn because no person should have to lie and hide at work because of who they are. I am talking about working for the greatest military in the world; and specifically the U.S. Army.

Each person chooses military service for different reasons, but it is a choice. Last time I checked, this is the “Land of the Free, and the Home of the Brave.” And being in the army is a job that should be available in the same manner to all individuals. Supporters of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) will tell you that they aren’t saying gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender (GLBT) folks can’t serve in the military; just that their private life – or rather – the person that they are – must be hidden. Asking an individual to act and live in a hetero-normative fashion to fit into a work place in the year 2010 is unacceptable.

I give a damn about equality because I used to hate going to work on Monday mornings. I would actually feel nauseous sometimes, and it wasn’t because I didn’t like work. It was because I was paralyzed with fear that someone would ask me about my weekend and I might happen to mention something personal that would give me away. How I stayed at my girlfriend’s apartment or saw a movie or had dinner with her – one lesbian slip of the tongue could result in me being terminated.
more…