Life as a Transition

Aug 18th, 2011 03:15 PM By Shauna

I have transitioned from town to town all my life. Both as a child and now as an adult.

I transitioned from single to married life. Then I transitioned from being ‘just’ a spouse to being a parent – twice! Recently, I was forced to transition to single life again.

I have transitioned into three different careers, the last one being a public high school science teacher. And now, transitioning to losing that career and being underemployed.

And I transitioned from my pretend life to my real life – from trying to be male and now my true self as a woman.

Having lived life on both sides of the gender line, I have seen the differences between being in the majority to being a minority. I knew in my head that I would be losing many of my rights when I transitioned. It wasn’t until after I transitioned that I understood in my my heart just how sacred these rights and liberties are. You don’t appreciate what you have until you lose it.

Now, I am transitioning again.

I used to be someone who could only sit on the sidelines and wring his hands. Now, I am someone who speaks out about civil liberties and transgender rights. I don’t wring my hands anymore. This woman DOES.

Civil rights should not depend on the color of skin, nationality, who we chose to love or what gender we identify as. Civil rights for one are civil rights for all.

If we are denied our rights, who will be next?

That’s why I give a damn.

My Brother

Dec 09th, 2010 10:13 AM By Jim

My brother is now in his late 50’s and is finally out. He lived a tough life of denial. A failed straight marriage. Many wrong employment turns. He was even homeless for awhile. I’m a few years younger than my brother, and I am a straight man. I knew my brother was gay, yet he would not admit it to himself, and was afraid to come out to our family.

It never mattered to me. My love for him, and my wishing that he would become the person I always knew that was inside of him never stopped. When I saw the place where he was living, (a horrid section of north Philadelphia), I contacted him and asked if he’d like to get out of the city. He did.

I have an uncle who lives in a beautiful, scenic part of the US. Deep in the heart of the Ozarks, in Arkansas. I contacted my uncle and explained my worry for my beloved brother. I asked my uncle if my brother could move out and stay with him, just to get out of the city. My wonderful uncle agreed. I assisted in funding my brother’s bus trip out to Arkansas, where my brother lives today.

Happy, safe, out, and creating some beautiful artwork.

My concern is for others who have been in denial for years. Whether their families will accept the truth when a person comes out, and including their gay/lesbian loved ones in family functions.

It hurts to see how my brother is treated by several members of my family, now that he has come out.

I will always leave an open door in my house for him, just as my heart will always be there for him.

My Experience

Nov 30th, 2010 07:40 PM By ahni

I am in my 60s and knew I was “different” since I was a small child. I tried to follow the expected path for someone growing with typical Midwestern values – married three times – had four children – lived the lie.

When I turned 30 I realized I could no longer deny my true identity and “came out.” I was fortunate to then live in a place that was more tolerant than I imagined. It was so freeing to drop the facade and just be who I was born to be.

For the next 30 years I was openly a lesbian; had a partner for several years; lived in peace with myself and others.

During my 62nd year I had to move, out of necessity, to another part of the country.

I now live in a Senior’s community in a small town in Eastern Pennsylvania. I am surrounded by nice folks, all seniors like myself, who are quick to express their feelings that homosexuals are sinners bound for hell, etc.

I am, once again, “back in the closet.” I need this housing and it is a matter of self-preservation. It sucks!

My greatest desire is to see equality for ALL before I die.

Thank you for all your efforts to make that happen.

My Father

Oct 11th, 2010 01:47 PM By Rachel

My father has hid for most of his life in the closet. It was not until I was 16 when he finally came out. The divorce was horrible for me because I got harassed at school about my father being gay and about my sexual preference too. And, I know why he came out soo late in life. My grandparents, in the past, where so against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

And, right now his partner can’t get disability due to his sexual orientation. I think we need to get the government to WAKE UP! I’m glad this site was made!

oh, BTW, I’M BI!

My Husband and I Give a DAMN, Gay People are Not Alone.

Jul 13th, 2010 01:39 AM By Christina

Hey, I wanted to share my story just to let young gay people out there know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you think other gay, transgender, or bisexual people are the only ones that care about your rights I want you to know that they aren’t the only ones.

I live in California where I watched straight people fighting hard against Prop 8 (which over turned gay marriage in this state). My husband is in the NAVY, and him and many others serving (who are straight) GIVE A DAMN. They want you young people to some day be able to openly join and have benefits for your partners in the military just like the ones they have.

I have faith in the lawyers who want to take their gay marriage case all the way to the Supreme Court.

I have faith in the 14th Amendment that gives you all equal rights.

I have faith in Obama making sure “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” will be a thing of the past.

But most of all I have faith in young people who are moving beyond the bigotry of the past, gay and straight, and everything in-between, you are this nation’s shining hope for tolerance, acceptance, and equality.

I had a straight young man come up to me last year when I was discussing Prop 8 in a mall with some friends.

He was just this random young man, he was with his girlfriend who didn’t seem too interested in the subject, but he got very passionate. He told me about family he has in the Middle East who could be jailed for standing up and speaking their minds, and he told me seeing how badly their lives were affected by their inability to speak up it made him grateful for his right to speak up in THIS country, and he intended to use that right to help people like the couples who were hurt by Prop 8.

This young straight male showing such depth really gives me hope for future of our country.

You hold in there young people and fight the good fight, because there are people out there who don’t even know you (who aren’t even affected by the inequality you have to deal with) that are ROOTING FOR YOU, and they are fighting WITH YOU.

Just One Voice

Jul 12th, 2010 11:36 PM By Brian

I am just a 40 something straight man who gives a damn. I am one that realizes that the problem lies with us: the straights. If we can educate or help our straight brothers and sisters understand gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) folks, we will have come a long way to reaching full equality for all.

Besides, many GLBT people have been the innovators, artists, writers that have given us a much richer experience on this Earth. I can’t imagine a world without this wonderful community!

I hope that someday they will never have to feel shame or hide. They should be able to express themselves as freely and openly as the rest of us–and never feel “separate” ever again…

…which, in turn, we can hope, eliminate hate crimes and discrimination of any kind…

People Are People

Apr 04th, 2010 12:24 PM By Melissa

I feel fortunate to have been brought up in a home where there was no “black and white” and no “gay and straight”…we were just people.

I have family members who are lesbian, friends who are gay, and students (I used to work at the local school) who felt comfortable coming to me to discuss their sexual identity issues above everyone else. I’m glad of that and so incredibly happy that I have these people in my life!

My family, friends, and yes, my former students, enrich my life and remind me every day that “people are people.” Now, I am a parent and my children are learning that there is no reason to shun someone for any reason. We’re not in control of the color of skin we’re born with, the sexuality we’re born with, or the color of the eyes we’re born with…we just are, and God doesn’t make mistakes…so no one is better than another.

People are people.

End of Life Issues…

Apr 04th, 2010 11:47 AM By David

Our older friends Tom and Mark had been together as a couple for more than 33 years. Mark had been suffering from lung cancer for about a year, but died unexpectedly at home with his partner Tom right there with him in the same room. Tom was so shocked and grieved that he couldn’t speak, and so the police officer who came to the house after Tom’s 911 call phoned us and asked us to come over to the house. While we were there, we learned that there were no legal protections in place for Tom and Mark.

Despite sharing his life and home with Mark for more than three decades, Tom didn’t have the legal authority to make any decisions or to even to have Mark’s body removed from the house and taken to a morgue for burial preparation. The responding paramedics were already at the house, but had to wait while efforts were made to contact Mark’s somewhat estranged son for consent to deal with the body. They showed disrespect and loudly complained about having to wait. Three long hours later, Mark’s son responded and Mark’s body was taken from the house to a funeral home.

I just couldn’t imagine anything worse happening to my partner and I, and this terrible experience brought home to us the need to take immediate steps to protect our relationship. If we had been able to marry, we would have done so years before. Instead, we had to seek out a legal agency to draw up the proper documents — although at considerable personal expense to us.

Tom and Mark never had the option to marry, and as an older couple from another generation, never sought out the legal support for themselves for which most committed gay couples now are more aware, in places where marriage remains out of reach — which means most states in the U.S.