I’m not lesbian, gay, trans-gender. I might be bi, I don’t know, I’m 32 and decided I don’t need to know, yet.
In high school, I got treated badly because I was a “SLUT”, shudder, gasp. I thought I was being open about sex. In reality I was using sex as a weapon and armor to keep from getting hurt emotionally. I had been abused, mis-treated, and hated by my “parents”. These people I wouldn’t trust with fish, much less raising three young girls. Both were alcoholics and hateful when drunk.
My step-father sexually abused me when I was 10, my mother was jealous of me from that time on and admitted to it. She constantly told me I was “too fat” to wear something, “too stupid” to understand my classes. She kicked me out when I was 15, for smoking cigarettes.
I lived through that and more, to become a happy, healthy, loved and loving adult. I feel for the youth who are cast out of their “loving” families. I wish I could help. I would love to mentor, listen, just be there. Everyone needs someone. Everyone should be able to trust someone to care “just because”.
I hope every person eventually gets this.
I remember the first time I ever met my best friend back in high school. On that first day, he was being picked on by some kids and I heard…um…very hateful words. I helped him pick up his stuff and invited him for a burger or a slice of pizza to hopefully cheer him up. He then told me that they were picking on him because he’s gay.
We befriended each other that day and our friendship grew and grew every day since then. Now 8 years later, he’s one of my very best friends. We got each other through some awkward times. He didn’t tell me until just recently that on that very day, he wanted to take his own life because of the harassment he’d gone through back then when we were still in high school.
He’s like a brother to me and I love him dearly!
All my life I knew I was different, even in my childhood. Me liking boys and all that stuff. My parents were suspicious about me not having girlfriends, especially in middle school. They sent me to three different psychiatrist to see if there was something wrong with me, but my mom knew all along that I was gay, she just wanted to make sure. She popped the question when I was in tenth grade and I told her “Yeah ma, I’m gay” and she supported me in every way, but the problem was telling to my dad (how shocking).
For some reason that same day, my mom told my dad the news and all the family members too. That wasn’t the plan, but let’s say she did me a favor. My dad was first in denial, but eventually he came threw. He said “I prefer me loving you and talk to me every day than you hating me for my beliefs. I love you no matter what.” Emotional day for sure.
I’m very lucky to have parents like that because we know what kind of parents are out there that take there child to some place to “fix” them or kick them out of their houses. We have to open their eyes, orient them and let them know that we’re not different from their selves or anyone in that matter. We know, we love and we feel. This was my story.
Only the people closest to me have heard these stories from my childhood, but I feel that that as a public figure and a gay man who has been blessed with so much, maybe it will help a scared kid from let’s say rural Pennsylvania understand that there is a big world out there and they have so much to offer it. Here goes…
As a kid I never really got bullied in school, I guess I am not the stereotypical gay male so I flew under the radar. I was in the art club and it was my solace during those years. However, my despair was at home. My father was my tormentor. As a kid I was interested in fashion and art, which according to him was only for “girls” and I was constantly reminded that I was a “faggot”.
I was routinely, both physically and verbally, abused and one of those situations sticks out in my mind like it was yesterday…one day when I was around eight years old my father caught me putting on my mother’s lipstick…so after being smacked around I had to sleep outside on the front porch and wear a dress…that experience haunts me until this day. As I grew older the abuse continued until I could not take it anymore…so I ran away from home.
I ended up in Atlantic City…I was alone, scared, and I didn’t have a dollar to my name…so, to survive I turned tricks. I sold myself to men who were my father’s age and I did things that ate away at my sole. Eventually, I ended up in New York and went to FIT, and then became a hairdresser, and finally I transformed from Donald Mattern a scared little boy…into Junior Vasquez a famous DJ, who at times was a self-destructive and unable to form healthy relationships.
I trusted people who were just as abusive as my father, in different, but equally as harmful ways and I pushed away people who truly loved me because I didn’t understand it. I am happy to say, although I am still a work in progress, I have learned what true love is; whether it is from my lover or best friends and I am happy and at peace. I am writing this to all the fathers who have gay sons…tell them you love them, let them know that they have so much to offer in this world, and let them know that you are their hero and they are safe when they are with you.
Peace and Love, Junior
There are no resources in my area for the youth who are kicked out, abused or shunned by their families. It makes me sick. Our young people are forced to live in the closet until they are old enough to leave this town, and who knows what happens to them then. Some go to college and live freely. Those who cannot afford higher education, or choose not to pursue a degree, just disappear. Why?
Because I give a damn, I have involved my mother, my kids and myself in promoting lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender rights in this backwards town. My kids are bullied and called names, but we continue in our fight to bring equality to all, no matter what the personal cost because we are free to openly love, marry, join the military and make medical decisions for our family.
Until there is liberty and justice for all, we do not say the Pledge of Allegiance. We have shelters for the homeless, disaster victims, victims of abuse and foster children. Why can we not have one for our LGBT youth? They deserve a safe, loving place to live. I take these young people into my home if they come, but if they are under the age of 18, I can be arrested for harboring a runaway if parents choose to press charges. I wish more people in my area gave a damn, but they don’t.
I was about 17 years old when I decided to tell my mother that I am gay. Now, I do not regret my decision, but I cannot forget what mom has done to me.
She put me through untold suffering and I used to cry every single day. I told her the truth, hoping to be helped by her, but her answer was to ask me to leave my house because she was ashamed. I had no right to stay in my house anymore.
One day, I was having lunch with my brother when we had a argument, he called me names and I lost my cool. I slapped his face and my mom told me I could not do it because he was not my son, then she asked my father to talk to me. I tried to defend myself, saying that I slapped his face because he called me “fag”, he replied “But what are you? Aren’t you a “fag”? I was speechless…
Today I am 32, and I give a damn!
As I was growing up in my younger years, I felt different from most of the kids. I didn’t do the things that most people would. My father was always aggressive towards me and would often try to make me stronger and not as “girlie” as he would say. I sounded different from the kids on the playground. I would often hide, I was shy and didn’t associate myself with others.
I would keep to myself as hyper as I was…but, I didn’t really have any friends, so I became an independent and said “screw you world” as many times a day as I could. So, in addition to my odd childhood, I had no mother growing up. She left when I was three, so my dad raised me.
When I was fifteen, I was debating telling my father that I was gay. I wanted to tell him so bad, but it was the hardest thing I could have ever done. I wrote him a note and he freaked out, like mad freaked out.
I had went to a counselor at my high school and she told me that it was a good idea to share it with my father. Well, he kicked me out and I moved in with my aunt.
Life is pretty good now.
At first, I want to say, that my English isn’t the best. I’m from Germany and I’m 16 years old.
Last year, I became sure that I’m a lesbian. At first, my classmates got to know about that. They didn’t have any problems. It was crazy, because they accepted me more than before. In June, I met the first lesbian girl. Today, she’s my best friend. She was the first girl I kissed. And, I have to say that I felt much better than with my ex-boyfriend. I was disgusted by him.
Two months later, I had my first relationship with a girl. But, she wasn’t the right one. But than, on the 27th of September, I met the woman of my dreams. On this day, we didn’t suspect that we will have a relationship for such a long time. Two days after my birthday, we went to the cinema. And, there was this one kiss. I was on cloud nine from this moment till today. At this time I was very ill and the doctor said that I won’t become healthy very quick. But, there happened a miracle. I was healthy from one day to the other. Only because of her. I don’t have any other explanation for that.
But, only one week later our happiness was disturbed by my parents. I told them that I am a lesbian and that I have a girlfriend. This was the moment that changed my life again. They were so angry…I can’t describe that. I have to cry when I think about all that. My parents didn’t and don’t accept me. They said things…which was harder than getting a broken heart. They wanted to throw me out. My dad hates me till today. And, I try hard to live with that. But, I plan to move out when I’m 18.
What I had to experience I don’t wish anyone. It is so devastating, I can’t describe.
I do not like people which don’t care about equality. I had a presentation at school about this campaign and this difficulty. I CARE ABOUT EQUALITY, BECAUSE I WANT TO MARRY MY GIRLFRIEND. I know that I’m only 16, but I know what it means to be lesbian. And, I really want gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people to became accepted!
I hope that you can follow my story also when my English isn’t the best.
I give a damn. Greetings from Germany. Lisa
I’m 18 years old and I’m gay. I have always known I was ever since i was in elementary school. Since then, I always had to hide who I was from my family. As I got older, I had to change how I acted when I went home. I could be myself at school, but had to hide who I was at home.
Then, as I hit high school, I was starting to show who I was more once I went home. But, then i got teased or got made fun of by my brothers and sister, so I stopped being me again. When my sister came out to my parents that she was a lesbian, she had to wait until she got out of the house and moved in with her girlfriend before she finally told them that she was gay. She was afraid of getting kicked out and I think she was smart to do it that way. My mom accepted her and so did the rest of my family.
I’m an 18 year old male who is gay and wants to tell my family, but I’m afraid I might get kicked out of my house. Of course, it’s much easier for my family to accept my sister for a being a lesbian, but for a guy to come out to his parents and say that he is gay it is so much harder.
I’m a senior and about to graduate and live my life. So, I want to tell my parents that I’m gay, but I’m afraid I’m going to lose them and be homeless because of who I love. My life is so much more complicated.
I have an older brother who is gay, he’s 36 year old, and he still hasn’t told my parents that he’s gay. So, it has me questioning, should I live my life in fear or just be like my brother and hide it from my family as I get older. I can honestly say that I do believe I have people in my family who support me, like my favorite sister, not my gay sister, but my other sister. Her name is Veronica and I love her.
She is the only one I told I was gay and she said “I don’t care who you love as long as your happy, that is all that matters to me. I still love you no matter what, your my brother and nothing changes that.” My sister is the only one in my family who knows and she helps me keep my secret. I tell her sometimes I just feel like telling my parents I’m gay. I ask her if I should tell them. She tells me “it’s up to you, whatever you do I will be their and support you when you tell mom and dad.”
If I do have a support system, why am I scared to tell my parents?
I’m not really good at telling stories, so I’ll just tell you about my experience. At 18, I moved out of my house because my parents found out I kissed a boy. I convinced them I wasn’t gay so I can still keep a relationship with my mother. But, I couldn’t live around that negativity, so I told them I was moving in with a friend.
Reality was I was sleeping in my car for six months. They never knew and to this day don’t know about it. But, being homeless sucks. I rarely ate, I took baths in park restrooms or with a wet wipe. There were times I really wanted to kill myself, but instead I went the other way. Started drinking heavily and drowning out the sorrows. Of course, that lead to other things such as drug use like marijuana, ecstasy, coke, and what not. Anything to make reality fade away, so that come night time, while everyone I knew would be going home to sleep in a cozy bed, I would be in a Ford Focus crunched in the back, hoping a cop wouldn’t hassle me for sleeping in my car.
Then, when I thought it couldn’t get worse, my car got repossessed. Although my friends helped me out sometimes, I was still on the streets, sleeping in parks or spending all nighters in Denny’s, drinking coffee so they wouldn’t kick me out. My parents still don’t know about this and probably never will. I have yet to come out to them because I don’t want to lose the relationship i have with my mother.
I am currently living at home with my mom and although I wish I could just sit with her and tell her what’s going on with my life, I know that could cost me to go right back to were I was. I really don’t know what the point of this story is besides the fact that if my parents were more accepting and not fed such bullshit about the gay lifestyle and all that, I would of never had to leave. I wouldn’t have to lie to her face and tell her I’m going on a date with some girl. I wouldn’t have to worry about if they find out because the truth is I’m the same person, just different sexual interests.
I wish my mom would read this and know that I love her and there is nothing in the world that would hurt me more to lose her in my life. And, I think its sad that she makes me feel like that would happen if I came out to her.
To all the parents, forget what they say because the honest truth is their still your little baby, and if you let something as minuscule as being gay get in the way of you and your child, you should be ashamed. Because, then you leave your child to go out into the world and experience the harsh realities first, and let me tell you some don’t make it. I’m one of the lucky ones I feel.
Now that’s my damn story, whether it made sense or not. Please open your damn eyes, youth homelessness starts with you, the parent, to make sure this doesn’t happen to your kid.
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