I believe in God. I’m more so spiritual, but I still claim Christian because I live in Alabama, which equals Bible Belt. . . That’s not really an excuse, I suppose, but whatever. You can say I grew up in the church, but I wasn’t of the church as some of my more enthusiastic, closeted gay dudes were. . . and still are. I believe that there is a higher power that, in some way, intervenes in certain situations; however, we have autonomy, so we can do whatever we want. How does God intervene when the world is as messed up as it is? I don’t really know, but what I do know is that the basis of most religions is faith.
Having something to believe in and/or look forward to, gets some people up everyday to keep on living. Who knows? I don’t feel like getting deep into all that. I wrote this whole paragraph just to say that I have my own personal relationship with God that has gotten me along throughout the years. I mean, I pray, and that’s about as much as I do. I’m no holy roller nor am I a Bible verse quoter, that’s why I claim to be more so spiritual than full blown Christian. I practice the basic guidelines of keeping a well rounded life via the golden rule – Treat others as you would like to be treated. So, that’s what I live by, along with praying.
The way I pray isn’t the typical head bowed, eyes closed, hands fervently pressed together method. I simply just speak from my heart to God, the air, the silence, whatever force that may be listening to me at that time. Ain’t nothing fancy about it. I pray for concepts, mainly two: Happiness and Love. That’s basically what I pray for to this day; however, at one point in time, I found myself trying to “pray the gay away.” Some have done it, some still do it, and honestly, that prayer is pointless. I remember when I did ask God to release me from my dark thoughts of homosexuality, I wasn’t really sincere. I mean, I did pray for the “right woman” to come along and change my mind, but still, that was a half-hearted prayer. As much as I was brought up in the church and heard the “homosexuality is a sin” spiel, I never felt guilty for my feelings at all, and I still don’t.
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