How Discrimination Against Gays Affects My Family

Jul 13th, 2010 12:56 AM By Andy

Alex and I met and quickly became very close. It became obvious very quickly that the 2 of us were meant to be together. On June 2 this year, we celebrated 7 years together. We are very concerned that this will be our last year together as well. It is not because of our relationship. Our relationship is going as strong as ever. We enjoy our friends, our family and lots of good times, but none of that has the power to overcome the power of the United States Government.

You see, Alex is from Malaysia. Because we are gay, I can not sponsor Alex for a Visa, as any straight couple could. We have done everything in our power to do to make it possible for us to stay here in the US and continue to build our life together, but we are about at the end of the hand we have to play. If nothing changes between now and then, Alex will be forced to leave the country on April 2, 2011, two months shy of our 8th anniversary.

We have already started the process of me trying to find another job in any other country that will allow me to sponsor him, but it is a slow process, and there is no guarantee that I’ll be able to find something before he is forced to leave. If nothing changes, we’ll be split apart for no better reason than that some people just don’t like the idea of gay people being happy as a couple.

It is discouraging at times, but there is nothing to do here except to continue to work at it, and to continue to look for a new hand to play in hopes that we can find another way to move that date out long enough so that either the Uniting American Families Act or LGBT Inclusive Comprehensive Immigration Reform passes or for the Defense of Marriage Act to be repealed so that gays can have the same rights of partner sponsorship as straights do in the United States.

Our Story

Jun 30th, 2010 11:39 PM By Janice

I have been an International student here in the U.S. for over four years, and have been a model legal non-immigrant. The only thing I have done wrong (?) in the eyes of United States immigration law is to fall in love with someone of my own sex. If one of us was of the opposite sex, then my American partner could utilize her rights as an American citizen to sponsor me so I could stay with her, and our family would not have to be wrenched apart when I graduate from university next Spring. At the moment, all I can guarantee about my time in the U.S. is that I will walk away with two degrees, for which there is no promise of getting a job, so that maybe I could set upon the path to a Green Card by obtaining a work visa. This leaves our future very much on the wind. It can all be taken and swept away from us in the blink of an eye.

Yes, the passing of a law to allow same sex marriage that would allow us the same rights as heterosexual couples would solve our predicament, but for couples like us, that law will probably come too late, while it is being shunted back and forth in courts, Congress, and the House of Representatives.

It has been a continual source of amazement to me that a nation such as the United States of America has become so behind the times, when it has taken pains to project a very different image. For many years phrases like “Liberty and justice for all”, have circulated the globe, giving all who hear them the impression of a strong, caring nation, who would fight tooth and nail for the protection and rights of all their people. Unfortunately, this has not been the case for all.

Next year we face the same heartbreak that so many others have before us when we will probably have to be separated from each other (unless something like UAFA comes to pass before then). This is more than we can bear to think about, so we hang onto the hope that our recent inclusion in the latest CIR bill will continue on to bring about the change in the law that we so desperately need.

Partner Highlight: Freedom to Marry

Jun 25th, 2010 01:48 PM By Admin

Freedom to Marry is the leading campaign working to win marriage nationwide. They partner with a diverse range of organizations and supporters across the country to end the exclusion of same-sex couples from the responsibilities, protections, and commitment of marriage. They are also our friends and a partnering organization on the Give a Damn Campaign.

If you are looking to get more involved in the issue of marriage, Freedom to Marry is a great organization to join!

GET INFORMED, GET INVOLVED

• Visit Freedom to Marry’s website
• Learn more about Marriage

United by Love, Exiled by Law

Jun 23rd, 2010 05:03 PM By Robert

When my employer proposed a 3-year stint in London, I thought what any young gay American might think. “Fantastic!” Three years later, with a British partner and an expiring work permit, my prospects were suddenly much more limited.

Back in 1997, neither the US nor the UK would recognize our relationship. So, we did what we had to do. We moved to Amsterdam as an EU citizen and his common-law spouse: united by love, exiled by law.

These days, we would be welcome back in Britain. And, if all goes well, we might even be welcome in the US soon. Kudos to our House and Senate Democratic leaders for including LGBT families in their core principles for the upcoming immigration debate. Let’s make immigration reform truly comprehensive!

Hometown: Boston, MA
Current city: Amsterdam, Netherlands

Bi-National Married Gay Couple Reunited

Jun 04th, 2010 01:33 PM By Admin

The following is an excerpt from a Boston Globe story on Boston.com:

“Tim Coco and Genesio Oliveira married in 2005, among the throngs who wed after same-sex marriage became legal in Massachusetts. But for nearly three years, they lived apart — Coco in Haverhill and Oliveira in his native Brazil — because federal law does not recognize their union.

“On Wednesday, Oliveira returned to Massachusetts for an emotional reunion after federal immigration officials took the rare step of granting him permission to stay for one year on humanitarian grounds, clearing the way for him to try again for legal residency. His return followed personal appeals by Senator John F. Kerry, US Attorney General Eric Holder, and Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano on their behalf.

“’We’re overjoyed. Words can’t express it,’’ Coco, 49, an ad agency owner, said yesterday from their home in Haverhill, where he had decorated his yard with yellow ribbons to mark their long separation. ‘Every new moment now is a fresh new moment in our life.’’

“Kerry called the couple heroes for persevering in their marriage.

“’Here were two people who loved each other and were as committed to each other as you could ever imagine, and a quirk in the law was being allowed to keep them apart. I just wanted to do everything I could to reunite them,’’ he said in a statement.

“Kerry also praised Napolitano and Holder, saying, ‘They really listened, and they righted this wrong.’’ Unlike heterosexuals, gays and lesbians cannot sponsor their immigrant spouses for legal US residency.

“Oliveira was allowed to return because US Citizenship and Immigration Services, which is under the Department of Homeland Security, granted him humanitarian parole. Parole is a rarely used mechanism that permits otherwise inadmissible people to enter the United States for ‘urgent humanitarian reasons’ or ’significant public benefit,’’ said agency spokesman Chris Bentley. About 250 to 350 people are granted such parole every year, he said.

“He declined to comment on Oliveira’s case because of privacy laws. Holder’s office did not respond to a request for comment.

“Humanitarian parole is temporary, but Coco said the couple might seek to reopen Oliveira’s case or try another venue so that he can remain permanently.

“According to the 2000 US Census, some 35,000 same-sex couples include one US citizen and a partner who is not.”

Read the full Boston Globe story >>

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• Learn more about Immigration

Half a World Away

May 28th, 2010 08:50 PM By Dean

I split my time between my home in the US and with my spouse in South Africa. My job affords me the ability to work remotely with an internet connection. But, maintaining employment in these times requires my presence at my job, so I cannot spend the whole year in South Africa.

My spouse has been denied a visa because the U.S. government does not recognize same-gender marriage, even though my state recognizes our marriage. The government deems my spouse as someone who has impetus to remain in the country illegally, so they will not even grant him a visitor’s visa.

We need immigration reform to recognize same-gender committed relationships. We also need the repeal of DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act).

Our Love Matters

May 28th, 2010 07:43 PM By Gavern

My partner and I are a bi-national couple. I am South African, he is American. We fell in love 8 years ago and have been married ever since.

My partner met me in South Africa and we moved back to the US in 2003. We tried every possible avenue to try and legalize my status here and get me a green card. Everywhere we turned we were faced with a brick wall and we learned that the Defense of Marriage Act prevents the Federal Government from recognizing our marriage. This is disgraceful!

If we were a straight married couple I would already have my green card, instead on August 28, 2009 two Immigration Enforcement officers came to our house and tried to deport me. Since that day, our lives have been turned up side down.

We had to give up our home and move in with family so that we could afford a lawyer. Our immigration hearing was postponed to May 26th, 2010. Unfortunately, all that I can ask for at the hearing is “Voluntary Departure” as the law does not provide recognition of our partnership.

We have gotten our senators and congressman involved as well as equal rights groups. Our senators are going to ask Immigration for “Deferred Action,” which if granted would allow me to remain here with my partner until the United American Families Act (UAFA) is passed.

It has been a long and stressful journey to convince others that our case is compelling. People have no idea what this is like, how it affects lives and tears families apart. We are hoping and praying that “Deferred Action” will be granted in our case.

Please get your family members and friends to write their senators and congressman and ask that they support the UAFA. Together we can end this discrimination and make America the country of freedom and equality it was born to be.

Inclusion in Immigration Reform

Apr 30th, 2010 01:30 PM By Admin

Here’s some great news from our partner Immigration Equality about the inclusion of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender bi-national couples in the United States Senate Immigration Reform Principles. The following is Immigration Equality’s press release about this important development:

Senate Immigration Reform Principles Include Lesbian and Gay Binational Families

Proposal by Reid, Schumer & Menendez Calls for an End to Discrimination Faced by Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Families

Washington, DC – A framework for comprehensive immigration reform, authored by Senators Harry Reid (D-NV), Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and Robert Menendez (D-NJ), includes a call for an end to discrimination against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) binational families. The principles, which are meant to guide Congressional crafting of immigration reform legislation, specifically call for key provisions of the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) to be part of a future reform bill.

Immigration Equality hailed the inclusion of the language, which would allow LGBT citizens and legal permanent residents to sponsor their foreign national partners for residency in the United States. Under current law, no such sponsorship is available. An estimated 36,000 face imminent separation or exile because of discriminatory immigration policies. UAFA is sponsored in the Senate by Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont, and in the House by Congressman Jerrold Nadler of New York.

“Today’s inclusive framework is an historic step forward for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender binational families,” said Rachel B. Tiven, executive director of Immigration Equality. “Now, it is time to turn these principles into laws. We will fight to ensure that the Uniting American Families Act is an indelible part of the immigration reform bill.”

“The LGBT community is committed to comprehensive immigration reform that includes everyone,” Tiven added. “Our community understands, all too well, the pain of being punished and singled out for who we are. Our solidarity with the larger immigrant community is deep, and our resolve to fix our broken immigration system is real. We will work for a bill that provides a path to citizenship for the undocumented, including those who are LGBT. Time is of the essence for those facing separation or deportation, and Congress must act, urgently, to pass humane, comprehensive reform.”

Immigration Equality also applauded the inclusion of the DREAM Act – a path to citizenship for undocumented students – in the principles released today. Earlier this week, DREAM activists who have walked from Florida arrived in the nation’s capital. Two of them, Juan Rodriguez and Felipe Matos, are also a couple, and have faced additional discrimination because of their sexual orientation. The outline also includes important provisions related to family unification, including ending the unconscionable backlogs that so many families face under the current system.

The group expressed dismay, however, over a proposal to implement a de-facto program for National ID Cards. Such a proposal, known as biometric identification, could be particularly troublesome for transgender immigrants, who struggle to get identity documents which match their correct name and gender.

“Immigration Equality,” Tiven concluded, “is working for a bill that protects LGBT immigrants who so desperately need reform. The path forward is about keeping families together and building a system that values our country’s unique and precious history as a nation of immigrants.”

GET INFORMED, GET INVOLVED

• Learn more about Immigration Equality on their website.
• Learn more about Immigration and how you can help in the Damn Issues section

Helpless

Apr 29th, 2010 08:36 PM By trevor

I fell in love with my partner 10 years ago. We have great dreams and aspirations of spending the rest of our lives together, just like any other loving couple. But, of course, there is one huge issue that stands in our way. Discrimination.

I am a UK citizen, and my partner a native Californian – he is helpless in the ability of ensuring my permanent residency in the United States.

Thankfully, I have an employer that is understanding of this, and has embraced permanent residency sponsorship. However, this is a lengthy, arduous and very expensive process and at times is somewhat of a prison sentence.

For example, I am in constant worry (and have sleepless nights) that should anything happen to the company I work for – I could be subject to layoffs – my sponsor would be no more, and my partner and I would have to make alternate plans. One of which would be to leave the United States, and relocate to the UK, where at the very least same sex immigration is no longer an issue. That is our back-up plan – but is one of life changing and major upheaval and, once again, huge expense!

I have a (straight) colleague that has been in the US less time than I have. She met a wonderful man (US citizen), married …and within 3 years of her arrival (as a temporary visitor on the visa-waiver program) she received permanent residency. The other day, that same colleague called to inform me that she is about to take the examination to become “naturalized” to become a US Citizen. Meantime, I continue to wait for my green card to be issued…yes, I am still considered a temporary visitor.

My partner and I live in constant fear of what will happen next…especially in today’s economy (our immigration attorney informs me that under the current program, I have at least another 3 years to wait before my green card is issued). We have made a ‘comfortable’ life for us; however, it’s not ‘permanent’. If same-sex immigration policy was available to us, I too would be living the life of my straight colleague, studying for my ‘naturalization’ exam. I pay taxes…I contribute significantly to the local community – but it all could be taken away from us, and our lives turned upside down.

Constant Fear Because of Inequality

Apr 27th, 2010 11:14 AM By Badger

My partner and I have been together for 11 years. We have built a life together and work very hard. I found out he is illegal a year or two after we were together. I was too vested in him at the time to leave him for not telling me. He let is paperwork expire. I was in shock.

He has a valid social security card and pays taxes, but can not get a passport. He loves his family here and did not want to go back to Chile over twenty years ago. I was devastated to find this out. I can’t imagine the anguish and fear he has been living with and now I share in that anguish.

I am a poor kid from the midwest who pulled myself up out of poverty and it has not been easy. I finally found true love and hate the idea that I may be forced to choose between my home and country and my partner (though my partner would win out). I keep thinking to myself, “Why does life have to be so hard?”

I was once married to a woman. I loved her, but was naive about myself. As a person I am still the same smart, upstanding guy I always was. My relationship with my partner now, means more to me than my marriage, but yet I am not granted the same rights, dignity and respect for my relationship.

I should be able to sponsor my partner. I am no less of a human being. I am angry, hurt and frustrated that the bigoted majority gets to say whether we have a right to stay together in my country. My partner and I work hard for everything and pay taxes. We should be awarded the same rights. We should not have to live in fear of losing the life we have made for ourselves here.

My partner’s mother died while he has been here and he loves this country so much that he didn’t go back. He waits for the day when he can go back and visit his mother’s grave and return safely to his home here in the U.S. My partner spent most of his childhood here in the states attending school and living with his older sister who is a U.S. Citizen, which is why he didn’t want to leave. Equality has to happen and it has to happen now.