A young girl that comes to my shows started sending me messages about who she is, and her struggle with suicide attempts because of being bullied and misunderstood. She is a bright, talented writer with an enormous amount of wisdom. Her poems are deep, insightful, brilliant. My husband and I run a studio north of Nashville TN (dubbed the recording capital of the world) and we are going to help turn one of her poems into music and record it. It is a small way of giving, but the reward is immeasurable. Thanks for listening and great job on giving others a voice.
I have always wanted to share my story with others, so they could understand that there is hope even when they feel there is none.
I found out about this site just recently when I watched ‘The Celebrity Apprentice’ with my wonderful brother and his family at Christmas time. I saw that Cyndi Lauper had this charity ‘True Colors Fund’. I thought it was uncanny because when I was going through one of the worst times of my life I would listen to ‘True Colors,’ every morning when driving to work, this was when I was 19, I am 37 now.
I was bought up in a family that never really mentioned things about homosexuality, so my focus was on society’s rejection of it. When I look back I was the one that bet ‘me’ up about it. I kept it well hidden because I was so afraid of rejection.
I had many crushes on girls at school, but it was my secret. I knew I had to deal with it at some stage in my life, but it was definitely not going to be when I was at an all girls Catholic school in the 80’s.
It all started back when I entered high school as a freshman. Some people knew I was gay others not so much. I was learning who I was at the time. Back then it was my “darker” days. Or I like to call it “my emo days”. I didn’t know anything about fashion, good music, or anything that dealt with gay culture. I felt left behind and out of place. I had fears of how people would be around me cause I was this little gay freshman.
First year of high school was a drag. Of course there was the name calling and staring. I even thought about suicide to be honest with you. When you think of this type of situation it feels like the world has turned upside down. Like there will be no tomorrow. The chill you get as if your freezing on a mountain somewhere and no one can find you. Many young people think this is the best solution to make things better. Let me tell you something, its so not worth it. So, it was the middle of my sophomore year of high school and I started to see the bright side of things.
Many people had suspected that I was gay. It wasn’t hard to tell after some of the things I did and mistakes I made. I officially came out my sophomore year in high school. All my friends accepted it, and loved me for who I was. I met a girl in my English class at the time. Her name was Amber, and she was raised into a very strict Catholic family. I told her that I was gay and she completely accepted it and everything.
One day, she came over and we were just in my basement… and that’s how it all started. I’m now in the middle of my Junior year and from that day on, we fell in love. We tried keeping everything on the down low because we both knew her parents wouldn’t accept it, but somehow her parents found out around the end of March. Her parents came into the school trying to charge me with a crime, and since her family were part of the transportation department and janitorial services for my school, they started to watch out for me. Every day, I felt like I couldn’t even be myself anymore because I felt constantly watched and felt like I was going to be attacked. Amber was switched classes that we had together and her parents isolated her from every single one of her friends. A couple weeks later, she started talking to one of our friends that we shared and opened up to her, and she had felt suicidal the whole entire time she was going through everything and almost tried to kill herself. By the end of April, we had started to talk again… but it made me nervous because if her parents found out, she had the chance of being dead.
We kept it a secret until about October when they found out again. This time, they had kept her from going to school, isolated her from everyone again, and are now trying to switch her school because her parents believe that she is being “turned gay” in this school. The pain just keeps getting worse and worse for us, and the only time we talk is late at night, if we’re lucky. We don’t really know what to do from here, but I’m not giving up because I give a damn.
My story can’t be much different from so many others out there. But I still feel the need to have my say, and in a way, hope to come away from this feeling empowered and better about myself.
I don’t remember a time in my early school life that I wasn’t bullied. I was that scrawny kid who was an easy target. I wore my heart on my sleeve and paid the price for it in beatings, taunting and having my heart broken more then once when I was old enough to know what that truly meant.
I am a survivor of not only kidnapping, but multiple rape both from men and women. Where I am from, a culture of silence ensured that I was forced to bare the burden alone, and that people calling themselves “experts” would be allowed to say that what had been done to me just wasn’t possible.
I went from being the kid with the easy name to make fun of to the damaged goods with the dead eyes that was even more fun to torment. My grade 3 teacher even went so far as to encourage the bullies in their activities, up to and including stealing my lunches.
Recently my best friend has come out as bisexual and I support her no matter what. People criticized her on the internet and school. She felt so bullied that she began to cut herself. I would not put up with people making fun of her and told them God made her the way she is and she is beautiful. Never again do I wish for someone to bully someone because of their sexuality, race, gender, or in general. I will not sit back and watch it happen. I give a damn.
As I got into High School everyone knew I was gay. I occasionally dated guys just for my parent’s sake because my father is a pastor. I am sure people said things about me and stuff, but nothing to my face. When I was 17, I had my first attempt at killing myself. I tried 5 times in a month and half… the last time I overdosed on one of the most lethal medications a person could, but I survived it.
I am here as a 31 year old lesbian and I am still alive and past all the indifferences of people from school and life in general. I have three children who are 6, 8 and 10 years old and I have been with my partner Belinda for almost 3 years. We raise our children just like straight people do. Everyone knows we are gay. My kids are all boys and play sports and are even in the Boy Scouts. I am one of their leaders for Boy Scouts. I do not live in fear or shame because of who I am. It is hard sometimes because my father gets on me about God… but I am a Christian as well.
For those that are thinking of killing themselves because they are gay. It’s the easy way out of a situation that can be turned around, but to turn it around we need to stand together and fight. Be yourself and don’t let someone let you down.
In 2008, I met this 14 year old boy named Logan Alexander Robison. I was 12 at the time, and he knew everything about me. I knew everything about him too.
Logan became my brother. He was openly gay and he convinced me and our friend, Raven, that the comments didn’t bother him.
When I turned fourteen in May of 2010, I came out to Logan that I was bi-sexual. He was only one who knew, well besides me of course. After about 3 months, we told Raven.
On August 18, 2010, my heart broke. I got a text message from Raven saying “Logan’s dead.”
The following Monday, right before his funeral, I talked to his mom. She told me that him and his brother, Quinn, had been fighting and Quinn told Logan to go fuck off and die. Logan listened. Why? I don’t know.
Logan was my best friend. He let the comments get to him, after he promised us he wouldn’t leave us.
I’m just saying. Logan was the third friend I lost to Gay Abuse. First, Jimmeh, then Alex, and finally Logan.
I love you Logan.
I won’t forget you.
A stupid mistake made me lose my best friend.
Back in high school I had a special friend. We did everything together. I was a dancer back then, but he would pick me up after Saturday class and off we would go. We also taught Kindergarten Sunday School at our church together and then would spend the rest of our Sunday’s either canoeing or at the local mall. He was a year ahead of me in school and I was honored to be his “date” for senior prom. I knew his “secret” but loved him dearly.
When he went off to college it broke my heart,but the college was only two hours away and in the same city that my brother was attending college. So I could still see him when I would visit my brother and he would ride home with my brother for the weekends. On November 8th (a Saturday) he and my brother came home for the weekend. I was torn because I had already made plans and didn’t know he was coming. I couldn’t get out of the plans because it had to do with my dance career. I knew I should have stayed but just couldn’t.
The very next weekend I got a phone call from a friend that had never called me before. Her mom got on the phone and sadly told me Ted had locked himself in his car in his garage and committed suicide. I remember and can still feel the numbness that came over me. A numbness that took many years to shake. I found out at the funeral that someone at his college had written a slanderous article about him in the college newspaper. I was and still am infuriated about this. I believe in freedom of speech but not to this extreme.
Twenty years later I still cry, I still miss him and find it hard to forgive those who made him feel insignificant. Every November 15th is my “day of solitude” I talk to him as though he is still here with me and I can hear him laugh at stories of what we did.
I am glad you guys have given a damn!!! and so do I.
Blessing to all going through this.
I’m bisexual. I’ve felt this way since I was 11. I’m now almost 15. I’m scared to tell anyone. I told my best friend last year in 8th grade. She got mad at me and spread it around the school. At least no one believed her!
The people at our school are so rude and I always find myself sticking up for the people who are always being picked on. I am picked on a lot myself already without coming out. Last year I tried committing suicide twice. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I realize now one day I will be able to come out and let everyone know who I really am. It’ll just have to wait until I’m ready.
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Something has to be wrong, when 1 in 7 people who commit suicide is a child. And when suicide is the third leading cause of death for young people aged 10 to 24.