Homophobic Parents
I knew that I was bisexual since probably the age of three. I was a little confused. I wasn’t born into a very religious family, but my grandparents will never understand. I hid it from both my mom and my dad and am still hiding it from my dad. I don’t think my dad would care though, since he has told me that he has no problem with gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans. I didn’t tell my mother, she somehow found out. I told my step sister, she told her mom, her mom told her friend, and that friend told my mom.
So, when she found out, she came into my room and asked me if I liked girls. At first I tried lying to her, but that didn’t work, I could never lie straight to my mom’s face. I told her the truth. She took it pretty well, the only thing that she was upset about was the fact that I told my sister before I told her. Then after that it seemed that she had completely changed. She all of a sudden asked me if I wanted her to take me to a psychologist…
I didn’t understand, I thought she was accepting me, but apparently she wasn’t. She took me to a psychologist that same week. I felt so embarrassed and naked. I felt like she was trying to rip me open to find out what was wrong with me. I told the doctor what I had been feeling and he tells my mom it’s a phase… A phase? REALLY?
I was screwed from that moment on. My mom, at the point of hearing it was just a phase, immediately blamed anime, my friends, some school faculty. I couldn’t believe her. She is such a liar, she made me feel like she understood me, but she just lied to my face!
Afterwards things had calmed down, until one day we had a massive fight. She literally tore my room apart. She kept on asking me if I was a lesbian. I told her no, that I was bisexual. She yelled at me and told me that there shouldn’t be such a thing as bisexual. That it’s a mental illness. Just writing this is making cry.
She’s a hypocrite sometimes. When she was fighting with my step dad she yelled at him, “Everyone understands but you!” I winced. She had also said to her friends. “If your kid does something you don’t approve of, you shouldn’t hate them for it. You should help and support them.” What? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to be doing.
Time and time again I have told her that anime has nothing to do with my sexuality and that it’s not a mental illness. She just doesn’t understand and I don’t think she will, until the day I don’t need her anymore. If I were any other kid, I would fight back violently and say s**t to her face, but I’m not. She doesn’t know how good she has it with me. I hate drugs and alcohol, I love to read, I love history, I’m one of the best behaved in all my classes, I have never sneaked out before, I hate breaking the rules (especially hers), if someone tells me about some struggle they’re going through I will be there for them the best I can, I love my friends, I’m not afraid to be friends with the biggest geek in school, I won’t let anyone at school bully, and I will always be confident and believe in myself.
But it’s hard to stay that way when my mom is there. I’m wearing a mask at home, I have to act like a boy-crazy girly girl. She is so fortunate that I haven’t killed myself by now. I have tried it so many times, more than I can count, but then I think of my friends. I think of my friends and the family that I will be hurting if I do. I will especially hurt my mom, and even though she hasn’t been that good to me, I could never kill myself. I would never bring myself to hurt her that badly. So I will continue being the girl she wants me to be, and only when she’s not looking will I EVER take off my mask.
